Thursday, we met with my palliative care physician, Dr C. This was our 3rd appointment, meeting about every 4-5 weeks. Almost as a concession to the disease, in palliative care, the goal is no longer about a cure, but on helping families cope with the course of the disease and preparing for its eventual outcome. It is about mitigation rather than cure.
Dr C is a master of his craft. He has the perfect balance of expertise, compassion, humor and push. He is helping us prepare for what is ahead by tuning in and adjusting our psychological, social, financial, physical well being. He knows the path we face ahead, its turns, twists and pitfalls. His work with countless of families has familiarized him with every aspect of what lies ahead for us. To me he is more a guide on my journey than a physician.
Today, he knocked me down a few notches, brought me into a more realistic realm. As many of you know, mentally I’m doing very well, almost too good. I believe Dr C picked up on this and subtlety directed the course of our meeting to let me know – slow down, you have some tough times ahead. He never said anything directly and only touched on it lightly, but by his questions and his remarks, I understood, clearly, his concerns and where he was steering us. He is the veteran, this time he didn’t commend us on how well we were doing, instead he chose to caution us. Has he seen this response before? Times may be good now but I could tell by his nuances that the storm we will face will be VERY big. Perhaps, I have been enjoying and relaxing too much. I always have wondered, quietly, how I will do mentally and spiritually once the tough times come and this meeting has brought it forward. Maybe, I underestimated the challenges ahead. I began to worry. Will I become depressed? Will I doubt God? Perhaps, I am not as strong spiritually as I will need to be. I hope not. I am praying for strength and courage – for myself, Kathy and the girls.
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